Somewhat ironic that I’m writing an article giving advice about not giving unsolicited advice – but please bear with me on this one!😅*
If you’ve opened this article then you’re probably like me and can really identify with the ‘unsolicited advice’ meme above.
You probably also, like me, love your autonomy and don’t like being told what to do – unless you genuinely need help, of course.
And, like me, I’m pretty sure you hate being micromanaged – as do most people!
I think we can agree that being micro-managed is one of the most disengaging situations you can find yourself in.
Interestingly, most of us like to give advice – especially if we’re in a leadership role. In and out of the workplace, we love to give our opinions on something, and those opinions are very often some sort of advice – usually well-meant and well-intended… Although sometimes people simply do love being in a position of power or control – and take full advantage of that!
And the higher up the leadership pecking order we get, generally the more we give advice – after all, isn’t that often why we’ve been promoted? Because we’re experts and are there to liberally sprinkle around our expertise?
This is where the paradox starts to emerge…because well-meaning as that sentiment 👆 may be, when we give out our opinions and advice, it’s very often seen as unsolicited advice – no-one’s asked for it, or wants it!
As we agreed earlier, most of us don’t like unsolicited advice! It can feel like the person giving the unsolicited advice is undermining our autonomy…taking away our purpose… doesn’t trust us…thinks they’re better than us…thinks we’re not good enough…is micromanaging us.
All very valid feelings – and all extremely disengaging!
It gets worse, because the busier most leaders get, the less time they [think they] have to ask questions – “tell people what to do, it’s much quicker.” “I haven’t got time to listen, so why bother to ask people questions…”
Often, they simply aren’t interested – or are only interested in themselves. That happens in and out of the workplace. The example I gave in my last newsletter, Did Curiosity Kill the Cat? about the person who didn’t ask me any questions and just told me his ‘expert’ opinion is an example of the person only being interested in themselves. My future engagement with that person = ZERO!
This is why a Coaching Leadership style is such a powerful tool in a leader’s toolkit.
Or anyone’s toolkit, for that matter, because all the same things apply outside of work as well as in the workplace – and because we can be leaders whether we have people reporting to us or not.
Coaching Leadership is about asking questions, not telling (ANT – ask not tell); it’s about being curious, and listening; making time for people (else they won’t make time for you!).
It’s about getting people thinking for themselves, instead of relying on you as a leader for answers. Because the more you spoon feed people and tell them what to do and give them the solutions, the more they disengage…the more they’ll come to rely on you and keep coming back for more answers – taking up more and more of your valuable time.
The more they’ll lose the power and will to critically think and come up with their own ideas. Innovation stalls or becomes non-existent – you may be good, but when the only solutions come from one person rather than using the collective intelligence of the team and people around you, it soon becomes limiting – especially in today’s hypersonically changing world!
As the famous analogy says: if you keep taking the monkeys off people’s backs and giving them food yourself, the monkeys soon learn to rely on you and keep coming back to you for food – soon you have an office full of hungry monkeys all constantly clamouring for your time!
People talk about Adaptive Leadership – effectively, where you have to adapt your leadership style to the situation. But what is usually missing are the behaviours that go with that. Being a Coaching Leader is a huge and critical part of adaptive leadership.
Coaching Leadership behaviours support giving autonomy, ownership, and responsibility.
Coaching Leadership behaviours empower people and build real engagement and trust.
Coaching Leadership behaviours improve critical thinking and innovation.
Coaching Leadership behaviours move people find a way forward, find solutions, and help people learn from mistakes.
Coaching Leadership behaviours demonstrates Emotional Intelligence in action. They show people that you care; that you’re interested in what they have to say – or are interested in their thinking at the very least.
My unique, super-practical TOAD™ Coaching Leadership model is a proven, easy to use, everyday tool that leaders (and anyone, for that matter!) can put into action to live the everyday behaviours that underpin Coaching Leadership and Adaptive Leadership – and Emotional Intelligence.
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“A common perspective on what is coaching, across the [global] Leadership Team will add 30%+ productivity across our firm if implemented correctly. In APJ [Region of the Year for 2 consecutive years] we learned a very simple concept for coaching based on practical neuroscience called TOAD… Very simple, very effective. ex-Asia Pacific Japan President
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*Also ironic that I spent 10 years in the British military considering I really don’t like being told what to do 🤔 I often wonder how I lasted 10 years 😂
