Did curiosity kill the cat? Well, cat homicide detective is not one of my top skills so I can’t say for certain.
However, the insights and expertise gained from the past 18 years running my Leadership, Coaching, Team, Coaching and People development business have clearly demonstrated way beyond reasonable doubt that a LACK of curiosity definitely does kill engagement – in the workplace and out of it.
The core of curiosity is asking questions and having a questioning, interested mindset. As Albert Einstein allegedly said: “I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious”. I’m not old enough to be a personal friend of good old Albert, but I’d guess he did have some special talents. However, it doesn’t matter how special your talents are if you’re not asking questions to seek out the reasons behind things – curiosity!
This applies to human interactions equally as much as to science.
James Clear apparently said: “Intelligence follows curiosity”. I’ll add to that and say from a people and leadership perspective, EMOTIONAL Intelligence stems from curiosity. That’s a hallmark of a Coaching Leader.
I’ll give you an example. I was playing squash a couple of weeks ago, and after my opponent dealt me a summary masterclass on the court (I got my ar@e kicked!), we sat down for a chat.
Curiosity is a great thing when you’re out of breath because all you have to do is ask a short, open question, then listen to the response. Then ask another question based on something you’ve heard the other person say. Then you have time to get your heart rate under 150 and start to breathe instead of gasp 😂
My opponent told me he’d just got back to playing squash after a couple of years away from the sport (which made me feel even worse about getting my butt kicked🤦♂️). However, he then told me he used to play in Division 2, and as I now play in Div 6 I felt a bit better about the result!
Anyway, hearing what he said about 2 years away, I was curious and, in one gasping breath, asked him what made him take the break.
He responded that a close family member had been fighting a form of cancer, and he’d taken time off to dedicate his time to them and his family. I listened to what he said, then asked questions based on what I heard.
The resulting conversation went on for quite some time – long enough that I managed to get my breath back 😂😅…but that’s not the point.
I learned from my curiosity that the close family member was now thankfully in remission, how hard the journey had been to get to that point, and how now his life was slowly getting back on track – and hence he was back to squash (and kicking my butt!).
As his story came to a natural conclusion, he continued on another tack and told me he wanted to get back into playing 3 times per week, and that he was struggling to get his fitness back (not from what I’d just seen having been comprehensively thrashed, but anyway!).
To keep the now dwindling conversation alive, I remarked that I was also trying to get my fitness back after being away overseas for 5 weeks, and still trying to get some power back in my calves having snapped both my Achilles.
His response? “You should make sure you stretch properly, then that shouldn’t happen”.
How do you think I felt in that instant?
Yep, my engagement evaporated.
There was no curiosity from him. No questions. No interest in what I said. No asking how I did it (snapped my Achilles].
Not even asking where I went overseas, which he could have asked about if he didn’t want to ask about my Achilles.
I felt that he didn’t give a cr@p about me at all.
All he wanted was to give me his [unsolicited] advice. Advice that said to me he wanted to demonstrate how smart he was and how expert he was in these things. Plus, it felt that he thought I was a bit stupid and hadn’t done what I should have done hence I snapped my Achilles.
That was the end of the conversation. I excused myself and went off to finish my warm down and finish the stretching I’d started before I spoke to him.
I won’t be engaging him in conversation again unless I have to. Engagement = ZERO!
This is the sort of exchange that happens in workplaces every single day.
When leaders and people are curious about us as individuals and professionally, we feel listened to. We feel heard. We feel someone actually cares. That’s emotional intelligence in action.
However, when leaders and people aren’t curious and don’t ask questions, or when they do ask a question and then don’t listen to the answer and/or just offer their ‘infinite wisdom advice’, we feel people really don’t care. Well, maybe that they care more about themselves, not us.
Coaching leadership is about asking questions and getting people to do their own critical thinking and come up with their own answers – the opposite of telling people what to do. Its about listening and asking people questions about what they’ve said and what they’re thinking.
Then actually listening and asking more questions. For one thing, people regularly solve their own problems when they have time to critically think, it’s quite amazing! Even more than that, they feel listened to, heard, cared for – engaged!
That’s one of the reasons Coaching Leadership is such a powerful leadership style. Coaching Leadership is a behaviour that demonstrates Emotional Intelligence.
It’s a leadership style that shows people that you care; that you’re interested in what they have to say or interested in their thinking at the very least.
Emotional Intelligence relies on curiosity as the critical corner stone. Be curious. Ask questions. Listen. Ask more questions. You’ll be amazed at how something so simple can build deep engagement – as well as building critical thinking and solving problems for people without you having to give advice.
My unique, super-practical T.O.A.D.™ Coaching Leadership model is a proven, easy to use, everyday tool that leaders (and anyone, for that matter!) can put into action to live the everyday behaviours that underpin and showcase curiosity – and Emotional Intelligence.
Are you curious? Have I piqued your curiosity about T.O.A.D.™ Coaching? If so, click here for more information or:
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“I use the TOAD coaching principles in every aspect of my professional and personal life, including leading my team, in customer service and sales meetings, with the soccer team I coach and with my family. It’s the single most powerful leadership and communication tool I use”
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